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Post 0

Thursday, September 29 - 8:24am

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Mike is good friends with a married couple. Susan and Joe.
Susan tells Mike in strict confidence that she is having an affair with another man.
She gets Mike to promise that he will never mentions a word to Joe.
One day while having lunch Joe tells Mike that he suspects that his wife Susan
is having an affair with another man.
Joe asked mike straight if he knows anything that could confirm or allay his suspicions.
What Mike should say or do?

Post 1

Thursday, September 29 - 10:50am

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Ciro,

A good technical "out" would be to say that he will not speculate, so he will not discuss it.

But it depends on who is more important to him (including his value judgment on their character), Susan or Joe.

I imagine one thing if Susan has tried to proposition Mike a lot and has slept around freely in the neighborhood. I imagine another if Joe beats Susan frequently.

More context is needed.

Michael

Post 2

Thursday, September 29 - 11:44am

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Ciro, I've been in that position. I kept the confidence. But I was very uncomfortable with it. The situation resolved itself and they are still together, he having told her the truth. Michael is right, context matters especially the value in which you hold each person.

Post 3

Thursday, September 29 - 1:43pm

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What a horrible position into which to put a "friend." I prefer solitude to complicity in fraud. Assuming both were otherwise decent people, I would not have agreed with Susan to keep her affair a secret in the first place. I hope I have made myself "psychologically visible" enough to people who know me that they would never ask me to help them in defrauding their spouses. If it means terminating friendships to maintain my own sense of integrity and self-worth, so be it.

I agree with other posters about the importance of context, but if domestic violence or other aberrations played a role, I doubt I would be friends with the aberrant party.

Post 4

Thursday, September 29 - 1:49pm

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Luke:I prefer solitude to complicity in fraud.

I have to agree with Luke, who wants friends like that anyway?

Post 5

Thursday, September 29 - 7:55pm

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Luke, excellent point. Who who knows himself would want people who incorporate lies and deceit in their life? Were this situation presented to me for whatever reason, I would advise Joe to ask his trollop of a wife about it ;)

Post 6

Thursday, September 29 - 8:13pm

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There is another possibility. Mike and Joe could become disgusted with women and, well... you know...

//;-)

Michael

Post 7

Thursday, September 29 - 9:36pm

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Chose your highest value.

gw

Post 8

Thursday, September 29 - 10:11pm

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Luke's answer is good.

If Mike valued the relationship with Joe more than Susan, he could tell Joe he'll have to ask someone that hasn't promised Susan they wouldn't betray the secret she told him. :-D

Then there are anonymous notes that describe a metaphorical circumstance to tip off.

Scott

Post 9

Thursday, September 29 - 10:23pm

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Gary,

Shaddup. That was a joke!

Michael

Post 10

Friday, September 30 - 6:06am

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Joke? I liked the idea...tell us more, Michael! ;)

Post 11

Friday, September 30 - 9:19am

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"If I told you that Susan is having an affair, I would be betraying her trust."

"I promised Susan that I would not answer that question if you asked me."

"Wow! Is that an old DeLorean out there?!"

"Are you going to eat those fries?"

"She's no good for you, anyway..."

"... and I have been in love with you for years."

Oh, well, there is Step Zero: "Don't say another word, Susan!"
You have to tell him yourself.
I cannot keep that from him.
I have been in love with you for years.
I have been in love with him for years.
How could you put me in this situation?

Then, stop seeing either of them until it blows over.

Post 12

Friday, September 30 - 10:19am

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Joe,

LOLOLOLOLOL...

Thank God Objectivism ain't mystical. (After all, you are Joe and I am Mike...)

Michael

Post 13

Friday, September 30 - 10:39am

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Times like this I love having an uncommon name.

I also need to stop obsessing about that Henry Rollins bit about "GUYS living with GUYS into GUYS!"

---Landon

Post 14

Friday, September 30 - 5:01pm

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" I could call you Betty, and Betty you could call me Al...".

Post 15

Friday, September 30 - 5:22pm

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I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist!

LOOK OUT THERE'S DANGER!
NO WHERE TO RUN!
Seemse like it's desperate measures
BUT SOMETHING HAS GOT TO BE DONE!

I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist! I will resist!

---Landon

A case for deliberation